Paris Hilton Getting Married?

The Up-Side to Jail Time

An estimated $28m is Paris-bound this week, as the professional car-crash that is Ms Hilton avoids mailbags and instead sews up the last of her gaol-time contracts. She will ‘earn’ her money via a string of diaries, photo shoots and even product placements during her discounted 23 day incarceration for drink driving, operating from the very cell that is supposed to be teaching her a lesson about respecting the law.

Obviously in a speculative mood, Hilton this week upped the anti by scoring herself yet another parking fine, this time for outstaying her welcome in an LA parking lot. No doubt her publicist will be brainstorming how the slap on the wrist can be turned into a lucrative career move for the skanky socialite.

Meanwhile, the detention centre set to house Hilton’s summer break has allegedly chosen her would-be cellmate, although it is unclear whether they have simply reserved a space for Lindsay Lohan in anticipation. Media outlets around the world are hoping it will be a butch dyke sharing her tiny apartment, if only to be able to make a ‘gay Paris’ joke wherever possible.